Life is fleeting

As we recover from the sudden and unexpected death of a dear friend, and this morning helped their husband into an ambulance after a fall - life seems so very fragile. I often teach about enjoying

I had started writing the above, when the news came that our neighbour had not made a recovery, and we were again in mourning (and shock) for the loss of someone very close to us. It has been an incredibly difficult four weeks as we have been shocked by the loss of our wonderful neighbours, a genuinely lovely couple that we have grown accustomed to seeing every day. Naturally our loss is very different to that of their family, for whom we have tried to be supportive.

While I have been working on appreciating each moment for the joy or learning that it provides - which has been going very well - it has been another challenge during this sad time to reflect at the end of life on how we look at a long span of time. Both our neighbours were in their 80's, and we had only known them for about seven years - it has been fascinating to learn more about their lives and to appreciate that each moment will then add up to something much more significant.

I teach on a course called 'Coping with Loss' and was able to use the resources for my own situation, and to improve and amend where necessary. Death raises such complexity to life and my main challenge has been in how to discuss the situation with two toddlers in appropriate ways, while trying to answer questions and not scare them. This challenge is ongoing, for the first time it's come into their awareness that hospitals can't fix everything...

The positive outcome is that celebrating a life allows us to focus on the overall good and not each individual moment - food for thought.

Magical Moments

I think the most important thing I've learned from my mission to appreciate what I have is that time sometimes just stops, and I can ignore the hurlyburly of living for long enough to breathe in the wonder of just being alive.

Today was that kind of day, we decided to have a family day out and just 'be'. It was almost a silent agreement between as us, there were no tantrums, few tears and hardly any biting - it was bliss. We laughed, went on a bouncy castle and just enjoyed time together.

Having said all that I had managed to put the washing machine, dishwasher and tumble on before breakfast, so normality still reigns!

Here's to an equally serene Sunday...

I'm back!

Well it's taken a while, but reading some of my own handouts and pulling myself together, as well as recovering from a virus means I'm now fully back in business. It's been a very busy few days away and then straight back to work, but I'm still feeling that life is good and I'm very lucky to be living it. The mission to manage my time better is still a work in motion - today it's taken until half ten at night to get to writing this (which I consider me time) and I've still not done much else on my list... But, a list is just an aide memoire and if I focus on what I have achieved today all the necessary things happened: kids went to nursery, I went to work, dinner was provided and all are now safely in bed.

Today I was talking about moving our focus from the negative to the positive, and making that a conscious choice in our everyday lives to boost confidence. Yet again, I need to practice what I preach - and it works!

Old dogs etc

Well, it turns out I'm more of an old dog than I realised. I've spent the last two weeks reverting back to my old ways of wasting time, feeling frustrated and out of control. I'm fairly sure it's triggered by stress at work, which has led to illness which has just made me want to hibernate from the world for a while.

I think there is a place for listening to your body, and taking some down time can be very beneficial, what I'm not good at traditionally is finding the right time for me to come 'back'. My natural inclination is to avoid hard work - however you can't take a day off from being a mum, and I've been so amazingly happy with how my mission was going that I want to get my mojo back asap.

I've taken some time (not by choice, but by medical need) to stay in bed for two days, and much as I would like to stay there for at least another week, I have to be up and 'mummy' tomorrow, so I plan to use the day to spark myself back into control. If I didn't think it would hurt I might even slap myself.

I was so frustrated to find myself having wasted two hours of my life in front of rubbish TV, and I was a bit shocked how easily I feel back into old habits that I feel more need than ever to savour every moment life gives me. When I think of all the things I complain I don't get to do, like read a book, that I could have done for TWO WHOLE HOURS! Even if I'd watched something on TV that I liked!!!...

So, I can learn new tricks, there's life in the old dog yet...

long time, no blog

It's been a nice reason not to have updated the blog for a while - lots of me time! My mission was taken to a new level as we were away for a few days without access to the internet (which is surprisingly relaxing), to go to the Paralympics and to celebrate my birthday.

My precious new appreciation of time made each day more magical. We stayed with family, so there was support all the time, and the need for my hour a day was less urgent. I am grateful to have spent some of my 'hours' with important people in my life, and doing things I valued (not laundry!). When we realise the importance of living each moment and taking what we can from every experience even little things can become such a blessing.

Now back in the real world, I felt overwhelmed by stress yesterday before returning to work. I was about to wish away the holiday, as it's stressful when you return, but managed to stop myself - remember the moments and breath again.

Take a deep breath - it's a busy week!

Little by little

I'm almost back to normal, well as normal as ever... I've decided not to consider being ill as 'me time' as although I did have lots of extra support, I was really poorly.

Today I managed to get my 'hour' - but in little tiny five minute sections, it was a 'bitty' day by any standards, but somehow having the rain beating on the windows and being all safe and warm inside was rather lovely. Having been very busy with visitors and visiting in the morning, the afternoon was chilled out and I managed to get quite a few useful jobs done. Little and often can work well and being productive can feel relaxing in a strange sort of way.

All that said, with the evening all to myself I've managed to get absolutely nothing done! I've been putting off writing an article as I haven't quite got it right in my head yet, but the deadline is looming and I was planning to get it done tonight. My excuse for now is that I'm watching the Paralympics Opening Ceremony, which is just wondeful to feel part of. Some things are worth pausing to enjoy - this is one of them.

Back on Track

Apologies for not being on 'mission' for a few days, I've been quite poorly, so virtual and real socialising has been on hold.

However, as an attempt to gain a bit of the mission, and to feel more 'me' I did treat myself to a trip to my lovely hairdresser. Having a bit of colour added to the ever increasing grey, and a good chop back into some sort of shape did make me feel more grown up, and more myself. The time it takes to complete had the added bonus of forcing me to read for two hours - a rare and beautiful thing! I'm reading The Hare with Amber Eyes at the moment, which does require a good length of time to get into, I'm enjoying it more now, but without that long stab at the beginning I might have not bothered as it lacks a certain something at the beginning.

Not much more was achieved in terms of me time - I'm not a very good patient, so being ill hasn't been easy. I'm very lucky to have good friends and a wonderful husband around me, 'me' time takes many forms as I've discovered, sometimes it's just about taking medication and not doing things!

Can sleep count?

After failing in my mission for the last few days, I've decided to count going to bed at 9.30pm last night - and the extra hour of sleep I got! Things have just been very busy here, and time for me has gone by the wayside a litte - which is as it should be, but I'm now feeling I could do with a bit of 'me time' back. It's hard to give out lots of energy if you don't get the chance to refill your own again. I teach about this all the time, and then forget to do it all for myself...

It made me laugh when I was teaching 'Stress Management' once and one of the students remarked that I must have a stress free life as I knew all these things. Of course that is far from the truth, and sometimes knowing what you should do is more frustrating when you're not doing it. I come up with all the excuses that my students do - but I then have to challenge myself to also follow through with the solutions.

Challenge for tomorrow - Focus on a SMART list of things to do, and then do them!

How about a minute a day?!

Well, I've decided not to make too many plans on my day off from now on, as they never seem to materialise... This week has gone in a flash, not sure I've managed my mission more than once. It's been a 'giving' week time wise as lots of good causes have needed my attention.

I have done all that was asked of me with good cheer - but now feel like curling up with a huge glass of wine and a good book (possibly some chocolate) in bed to recover from being nice. I do try hard to be kind and caring, but there are times when I need to just be a miserable so and so on my own. The weekend also looks packed, so I am pinning all my mission hopes on Monday, but as I reach for a tissue and feel a cough coming on it may be another plan that will be shifted...

I guess even happy people are allowed the odd grumpy day?

Time waits for no man...(or woman)

As we prepare to celebrate our daughters 2nd birthday I am marvelling at the speed with which two years of my life has gone by - and the incredible changes it has gone through. Spending more time thinking about how to spend time sounds a complete waste of energy, but I truly think I'm appreciating everything so much more.

My 'hour' has taken a bit of a back burner over the last few days as things have been pretty hectic, but I managed my book club tonight, and it was a lovely discussion about a book I throughly enjoyed, and would heartily recommend - Balthazar Jones and the Tower of London Zoo, I found it in the New Books mag that I subscribe to.

I'm a bit sad about the end of the Olympics, which as a joy to watch, but I'm excited that we may get some tickets to see some Paralympic events from friends, and in time for my birthday - now that would be many 'me' hours...

A lovely day today - and despite a virus and no sleep last night or tonight for the birthday girl - I have high hopes for tomorrow.

Are all hours equal?

Part of my mission is about the quality of the time I spend in different tasks, and it's been a really interesting experience. For example today I spent well over an hour vacuuming the house which - for those of you who don't know me - was not part of 'me time', however I do feel very satisfied about my endeavours, and much more relaxed than I did after reading a book yesterday. Some of the 'me time' is about doing things that are in niggling at the back of my mind, and therefore prevent me enjoying other activities. Today was one of those days, I got to do lots of jobs I hate - which doesn't sound great, but now I feel much better for it and have had a lovely evening with friends genuinely feeling relaxed.

Bring on tomorrow (but please just the essentials for housework).

Busy, busy

The original mission to have more 'me time' has evolved into more of an appreciation of the time I have, and what I do with it. Over the last few days I've not had a moment to get on the laptop - but for all good reasons. It's been a lovely mix of family time, as we celebrated our crystal wedding anniversary with a special day out all together, and some 'getting things done' time as we tried to do some of the big jobs around the house that have been on our minds for a while.

To be honest, I've also been totally absorbed by the Olympics, and the excitement is growing now so I'm typing furiously between the wonderful Silver medal for the 400m, and the countdown to the men's 100m!

Time is so precious, and as the 100m is about to show, just ten seconds can become the focus of the whole world. I'm enjoying the focus I'm putting on my own choices about how to spend each moment, and have made real changes to my actions... and it feels good.

Cheating

I'm now on annual leave, but on Mon & Tues the kids are still at nursery - so really the 'hour' is not so hard on those two days!

Yesterday I worked the whole day (albeit on my bed, with the TV on!), I wanted to get some time on my business and managed to sort out a facebook page, twitter account and those sort of fiddly things. I now need to work out how to manage them all without just adding to the time I spend on-line... I still haven't got a handle on Google Adsense and those bits, but I'm sure I'll get there today.

Today I'm taking a different tack for my 'hour or so' by having a more relaxing morning. Having got up as normal, kids to nursery with appropriate 'Show and Tell' items and raincoats, they were in shorts yesterday!?! I then walked the dog and have had a long hot shower using all my favourite products from Lush and even had the time to put on face cream. OK, so it was a freebie face cream I found but I could still hear my skin singing a bit thank you.

I'm now going to read my book, with the Olympics in the background and feel the luxuary of no special deadline this morning.

Hours in the bag

Yesterday I managed to have more 'hours' than ever before! I feel like I've banked some for less relaxed days. In the morning I went for a 'photo shoot' to get some professional shots for my website, and hopefully to go along with any articles that get published. It was a great session and although I'm still not that comfortable with photos of me, I enjoyed the experience and look forward to seeing the results.

In the afternoon we were invited to a Summer Party in the street, so the boys went on time, and as G was having a nap I stayed at home  - and had a nap myself. There was an achingly long list of things I could have done, but with my new appreciation of time I felt it was OK to just take a break. The party when we did get there was lots of fun and the weather was brilliant too.

As I hadn't been 'bouncing' for as long as hubs - I wasn't so tired, so had a lovely cool walk in the park with the dog (another 'hour') and then read my book in bed while hubs snored gently beside me. So, four 'hours' in just one day - what a lovely day spent with friends, family and sunshine.

Today has also been a joy. Again meeting with friends, spending time as our small family unit and enjoying the Summer. A thunderstorm later was the British weather back to normal - but having the Olympics to watch indoors means we're never bored at the moment. 

My hope for tomorrow is that my long 'to do' list includes just enjoying my first day off, without the kids for a very long time.

To tweet, or not to tweet

it's been a really busy few days, not managed more than 5 secs to myself but all in a good way. The last two working days were packed with mental exhaustion (never needed the Summer break so badly), and then the last two 'family' days have been non-stop. But the idea of my hour wasn't about spending time alone, but appreciating the time I have and enjoying it more.

I'm currently up very late, watching the Opening Ceremony of the Olympic Games, I feel very proud to be British, it's so exciting, I'm looking forward to all the wonderful sports to come over the next few weeks. I've never been a 'tweeter' although I've been thinking about opening an account over the last few days to help promote my business - I sudden wanted to be able to share the excitment of the Olympics and might try a 'tweet' tomorrow... It's already a busy day - so maybe on Sunday.

Every Second Counts

Well today was full of mixed blessings. Not managed more than five seconds to myself, but was very productive during my last day in the office before the Summer break and had a great team meeting which is always inspiring.

The heat seems to be affecting my brain power, as well as sapping any energy, so tonight will be early to bed (that said it's already 10pm!) and we'll be hopeful for tomorrow being less 'rich' in things to do. Of course after two days at paid work - Wednesday is usually the unpaid stuff like laundry, dishes, cleaning etc. However, as the kids get older and try to help it is at least a bit of fun to do and the me time comes from enjoying their company and watching them grow - the dust can wait.

My hour a day is more about refocusing my attention than actually racking up the 60mins. Today I reaslised how easy it is to focus on the wrong things - and forget the bigger picture. It's good to be reminded of what's truly important to me.

Bits and Bobs

I managed my hour today, but not all at once. I was at a great, productive meeting today, and a colleague bought me a hot chocolate afterwards and we got to have a chat. It was particularly nice as we work alongside each other regularly, but rarely get the chance to actually speak to one another about anything meaningful. Our passion about the Recovery Model in mental health were clear to see and it was a really wide ranging discussion.

Being a mum sometimes means I spend whole days only immersed in the children's world - which is a lovely place to be - but I do miss those very different kinds of challenging and engaging conversations that adults can have.

Back home

It was so nice to spend time with family, it's also nice to be home. I managed to get a few jobs done as well! While the gang watched a great movie one night (that I had already seen) I caught up with the latest copy of Writers Magazine - lots of good ideas and a few competitions to enter as well. I also got to discuss some ideas with people I trust, which is always a great way to get feedback and honesty.

Most exciting was trying out a Blackberry - it was much more user friendly than I had thought and I could see lots of potential...

All in all it was a great few days away from the normal craziness and although I didn't have lots of particular 'me time' that was good too.

Oops - missed one

Yesterday I just didn't get a chance to get to a computer - mainly because we are away with family and arrived late last night with no signal. Also because I didn't manage my hour yesterday, even though I had a really lovely day.

It's raised the issue of whether I should get better at using my 'phone for internet things... or whether I need an iPad!! Need is such an interesting word, I really want to go to a business women's conference in London, but the price is extraordinarily high and I can't justify it at the moment...

The signal here is pretty bad so I may not get to fill you in on my 'hours' over the next few days, but we're here to spend time and care with someone very special, so there won't be any 'hours' and that is how it should be.

Time Out (the good kind)

I went on a date today - with hubs! We were both off work and decided that although there is a comprehensive list of things we could have done, and feel very productive about - it would actually be nice to just spend some time together and not be at all efficient.

So, we put the rat race to one side for a few hours and went for a potter about. We had a great time, and included a trip to the cinema; ice cream and all. We even managed to use the cinema vouchers given to us when Z was born - 3 years ago! The trip was so lovely and we both benefitted from the 'time out' that we've pledged to go to the cinema once a month, and see if lovely GG will babysit... We've never had a night out yet without family babysitting, but GG is like family and I really think we'll benefit from some down time, our working lives are very busy and can be stressful - and seeing a movie is such a great escape.

Being a parent is such a joy - but so is being a wife and I don't want to loose the joy of that in the 'to do' list.

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy

I got a bit of a freebie today in terms of time. At the weekends we've fallen into a pattern of one of us getting up with the kids and the other having a hour or so to lye in - or read a book etc. It's a win-win as it's nice to spend some special time with the kids, and of course also nice to have a bit of time to sleep more.
This morning instead of sleeping I decided to enjoy the hour more consciously and started on the latest issue of Writing Magazine. I always find it useful and interesting, and it was nice to sit with my highlighter and find some tips or ideas of things to try. This issue was no exception and my 'to do' list has now grown a little.

The loveliness of the morning continued into a beautiful day. I am on annual leave tomorrow and the kids will be at nursery, so I've just ended the day getting all my paperwork up to date so that tomorrow I can really just do something relaxing. It's crazy late, but there is a real relief from having so many envelopes ready and waiting for the post office, and forms for work and the dreaded tax return all done.

Now all I have on my list are things that are exciting to move my business forward or ideas for the holidays. Of course the laundry has piled up after a day off, but that is always there so I'll get to it eventually. Last job of the day is to book my photography session - I've been offered a 'me hour' to get some professional shots for my website... sounds great and proves the power of a blog.

Careful what you wish for...

Friday was just lovely, time with the kids and with good friends, but as usual it was also quite busy. So, when hubs came home and had to work for a couple of hours I decided to have my hour by popping to get a few bits we needed at the supermarket.

Of course these things always sound great (and in fairness it would usually be something I would enjoy), but in fact I was tired and the bits we needed were stressful to find and I ended up hungry, exhausted and confused! Another late night meant I didn't even manage to do this blog, which I had promised myself I would do every day. But the good news is that today was really blissful and I intend to be in bed before 11pm for the first time this week - that's a promise to myself I am going to keep.

Today I haven't had any special time to myself, but frankly haven't felt any the worse for wear, it was a beautiful day with family and W from a previous blog also came on a surprise visit. While hubs watches an old movie I'm going to update my website and will have had a pretty perfect day. Roll on tomorrow.

Can I carry hours over?

What a wonderful morning and evening (less said about the middle the better...). I was on a training session this morning, and it's always refreshing to be on the other side of the desk - brilliant group and some really valuable discussions.

Tonight I've just returned from a Women In Business networking meeting, I found it at the last minute, and already had childcare so thought I'd take that as a sign I should go. It was very inspiring and I'm really glad I took the time to think about where I want to take things. It was way more than my hour for me - maybe an hour in the bank for tomorrow. Even though it's been a crazy busy week and I could have done with time to relax, and time with the family - it was an opportunity not to be missed and I feel more inspired to really think about how I want things to move on.

Now it's time to enjoy a Friday with no special plans or obligations. My hope for tomorrow is lots of laughter and maybe a tiny bit of sunshine...

shortest post ever

Just got back from giving a talk, not had a minute to even think today, but it's been a really wonderful day. Took the kids and grandparents to the zoo - where the weather was kind, came home to a sunny garden and got lots of useful jobs done while the kids were entertained and then met a really great WI and tried out a new talk on them - which was successful.

Off to bed now, and to say a passing 'hi' to my husband in case he forgets what I look like...

Does working for myself count?

I've just spent well over an hour completing a talk for tomorrow night - I know it was work, but I've thoroughly enjoyed it and I'm really pleased with the outcome. PowerPoint can be a bit dry and boring, but with some tasteful animation and a nice design layout I think the talk and slides are really interesting (but then I'm biased). It's a new group I haven't spoken to before, so it's always nice to meet new clients and hopefully get further bookings.

Of course, this does mean there is a long list of things I haven't done... like made the bed for my guests that are now looking quite tired (they are family who stay a lot so working was ok - I promise). It also means the dog hasn't his evening walk yet, the toys haven't gone away, the dishwasher hasn't been emptied etc. etc. But sometimes I think it's ok to let those things wait while something more important takes place.

I often teach about the difference between important and urgent - and how important often gets left and left. I enjoyed allowing important to take the lead tonight, and the toys will still be there in the morning. I will however go for a quick, and wet, walk with the dog...

Spoke too soon...

Well today didn't go to plan on the 'My Hour' front - but Monday is always a crazy day for us. I was very productive and efficient, just not able to get time to do my own thing - also failed in my other goal to be in bed by 10pm to try and catch up on some sleep.

Today was a good day however, teaching a Coping with Loss course was draining, but very satisfying. Catching up with my son's key worker for a nursery Parent Evening was weird at such a young age, but it's always nice to hear that all is well. Then off to one of my reading groups - childcare mix up so only able to drop off the cake and say 'hi' before two very tired children lost interest in attending. Then back to put tired ones to bed, do the tax return and eat. Food shopping got delivered and put away, the most basic tidying up and I'm fit to drop.

One of the exercises I introduced the students to today was listing 3 things about the day that were good, and one hope for tomorrow. In the spirit of practicsing what I preach:

• The group today were really great to teach, keen and engaged and good at feedback.
• The dog hadn't eaten anymore CD's by the time I got home.
• My son is progressing as he should be - he's totally normal.

My hope for tomorrow is that I finish my talk for Wednesday night in time!

Made it - day one at least...

I decided to start with something really simple - so phoned a good friend who I rarely talk to. We live quite far apart, and only get to meet up about twice a year, but she's the sort of friend that is so easy to catch up with. We spoke for 59 minutes which was a real joy - we didn't talk about anything very deep and meaningful, but it was nice to chew the cud and check in with each other. I felt far more satisfied than if I'd just watched tv for that hour.

W is a special person, we are both similar in our low-key attitude to life, although she is far better at the practicalities (that's a polite way to say she's a clean freak...) but she's special to me as she is the person that drove me to the hospital a few years ago now and held my hand when the nurse said there was no heart beat on the monitor... and that I would miscarry my first pregnancy over the next few days. As an Army wife I was on my own at that time, and no family close by. W had left work with no explanation and just did everything I needed for that day - and most valuable to me was that she actually listened to what I wanted. When I said I wanted to be left alone for the night she just checked once and left - she trusted my judgement and I will always be grateful for that.

Friendship isn't always about the time you spend with someone, but the quality and equality of those interactions. We have remained good friends, despite the distances and lack of regular contact. I hope she doesn't read this I as expect she would be most embarrassed by my emotional tale - I also suspect I have never told her how precious she was that day.

Day One

My latest mission is to find on hour in every day to do something just for 'me'. I realise that this appears a completely self centered desire, but it's surprising how other roles in life mean that being just me gets harder and harder. I love the other roles to bits, but I miss me too.

So, here goes.